The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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