after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
