Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
