Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
