I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
