This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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