You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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