youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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