I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize