my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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