Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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