I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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