I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
