I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize