so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
