There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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