mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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