I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize