Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
