well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
