Non-Jews are for practice
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
