that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.