and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.