The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"