remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
25 People Admit the Worst Things Theyâ€™ve Done for Good Reasons
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.