I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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