did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
