I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.