So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
