You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.