I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?