My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy