Swine flu. Run for my life!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.