Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.