so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
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Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups