my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
