Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close