all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.