I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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