We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
