I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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