he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
