Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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