The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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