Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
