Your face is a jimmy john
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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