the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize