i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
