just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
