No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
