Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
