I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
These tits shall not be calmed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
