just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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