I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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