You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
