Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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