hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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