Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
