If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
