I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
