You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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