why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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