I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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