While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
