Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
