My room smells like vodka and shame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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