the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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