Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
