The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
