I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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