Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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